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Karate Kid (2010): Warning, not suitable!

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Karate Kid (2010):

Warning, this review is not suitable for:

1) children

2) anyone who likes the movie

3) anyone who thinks this movie is just OK

4) anyone who doesn't like the constant use of the F word

5) above all, anyone who doesn't have a sense of humor

I wasn’t going to review this film, but then, I started coming across critics who said things like: “this is the movie to show your kids...fun, and believable... just left the theater, audience clapped and cheered throughout the whole move...”

Okay, now it’s my turn....

Karate Kid (2010) is FUCKING lame. For God’s sake, show your dumb kid the original, you moron. And while you’re at it, don’t try to use the film’s cinematography or beautiful Chinese culture as an excuse to think it’s a good movie, because it’s not. What the hell is wrong with everybody these days? Are they on drugs? Do they need to be on drugs? God, Lord, Jesus, Buddah, L. Ron Hubbard, if you do exist, in any shape, form, whatever, come back. End this world. Start all over again. Please. It’s not looking good for the human race. It's really not.

If you’ve seen the 1984 Karate Kid, no use going over the plot. It’s the same shit (main difference is the original has a fucking soul!), only in a different setting, with essentially, the same characters. Instead of Pat Morita, we get Jackie Chan; Instead of William Zabka, we get Zhenwei Wang; Instead of Martin Kove, we get get Yu Rong-Guang; And last, and definitely least, instead of Ralph Macchio, we get Will Smith’s son. I don’t know his name, I don’t care; but for his upcoming Rap album, for Bad Boys Part 8, for the Hancock prequel, for the ID4 reboot, and for the rest of his fucking life, he’ll be known, at least to me, as Will Smith’s son.

Oh yeah, almost forgot, instead of Elisabeth Shue, we get Wenwen Han. Let me tell you, out of all the billions of cute, little asian girls out there, THIS is the best they can do? I’m no pedophile, but for those who are, I’m sure they would skip her, and look for excitement elsewhere. Maybe they went over budget and finally had to pick the first girl who would work for a few boxes strawberry Pocky Sticks?

Come to think of it, wouldn’t Will Smith’s son be into big booties instead? Oh wait, I forgot, he’s Will Smith’s son, so everything he does will be Will Smith-like. In other words, his co-star has to have no ass (Jada Pinkett Smith), white features (Jada Pinkett Smith) and below average looks (Jada Pinkett Smith). *By the way, I understand Wenwen Han is a child, but for the sake of consistency, just go along with me, okay?

Also, what’s up with Will Smith’s son and the way he delivers his dialogue? Almost EVERYTHING he says is a one-liner. Seriously, they could have took any of his dialogue and spliced it in the trailer for that one-liner appeal. Once again, he’s just being Will Smith-like.

The saving grace to this film could have been the fight scenes, but most of them were all ruined due to being filmed way too fucking too close. And just as annoying are the shaky cameras. Who’s filming this shit, Michael J. Fox? For 15 years, I’ve been sitting through countless movies where cameras shake every time action hits the screen! Why do studios even bother spending millions of dollars on film equipment when they’re just gonna shake their shit around? Why not save some money and use a VHS camcorder instead. And they wonder why this country economically raped.

Back to Will Smith’s son and the showcasing of his talents: Are we supposed to be surprised that he knows how to dance? And what about his gymnastic skills? Okay, fine. Will Smith’s son does have some mean flips; However, that does NOT justify him doing some Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon shit during the film's finale.

You see why I'm annoyed here? How can anyone call this movie realistic? Was Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon realistic, too? What am I missing? Even the original Karate Kid’s fight scenes were realistic, or at least, believable. Unless there’s another Karate Kid remake I don’t know about?

If I was an elementary student in China, and a crazy Chinese guy came up to me with a knife to my kneck, and yelled, “tell me what you like about Karate Kid remake or I slash your neck!”, I would say:

Me: “Jackie Chan was good. He plays his own, unique version of Miyagi. His role is funny, dark and subtle. Besides having a cool John Oates mustache, he also gives us an inventive fight scene involving him vs. a bunch of kids. It’s short, it’s practically his only action scene, but it’s cool.”

Him: “Anything else?”

Me: “Zhenwei Wang. That kid is a badass, plain and simple. I rooted for him everytime he attacked Will Smith’s son. The movie should have ended with him KILLING Will Smith's son. That would make this movie better than the original.”

Him: “I kill you anyways!”

You see, not only did the crazy Chinese guy just watch and hate it as much as I did, but he was wondering why they still called it “Karate Kid”, when Will Smith’s son learns Kung fu from a Kung fu Master IN China. Crazy Chinese guy then spreads the word to his crazy friends, and before you know it, a bunch of schools are attacked by crazy Chinese guys with knives.

It’s so sad how a lot of kids have lost their lives. You can thank the Karate Kid remake for that.

That’s how bad this movie is, folks. It's also over 2 hours long, which makes it worse than bad. But then again, it’s still better than Avatar.

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O.K....I took my 6 year old to see this today. I must say, it is entertaining. I did not go in to this with the mindset that it was even remotely related to the original - you can't remake a great movie, no matter how hard you try. I DID go in to it knowing that it would be geared toward an American (western) audience, garnering some marketing (i.e. familiarity of brand) toward the original watchers of the first movie (i.e. people like me in their late 30's).

My little boy is a brown belt in TKD, and although he is young, he is aware of style differences based on the movies he sees, and his own studies. His favorite movies range from Forbidden Kingdom (fun, family) to 36th Chamber and Legend of Drunken Master. He likes Jackie, Jet, Ti, and Gordon.

All that said, the movie is worth a watch if you're not looking for a KF flick. KF is somewhat of a bi-product of the premise in that the plot is very generic and overdone, but takes place under the guise of Kung Fu. Honestly, it follows the original Karate Kid nearly scene by scene: characters translate, scenes translate, they even present homage to the original with specific scenes and music. The primary differences are that Dre is much younger, the movie takes place in China, and the beatings he takes are much more severe. Daniel-san got beat on, but Dre is pummeled.

A few things I was pleased to see:

~ The cinematography is good. Not comparable to large-scale films (e.g. Red Cliff, 14 Blades, etc...) but from a western perspective, there are some beautiful shots of China: Great Wall, Forbidden City et al.

~ JC definitely had some influence on the script. While I would not consider the movie "Chinese Propaganda", it does show the wonder of the country, and works to promote the idea of China as country.

~ I appreciated the fact that there is a true and definable moment when the differentiation between Karate and KF takes place. There is an actual scene where someone mentions "karate" as a generic term for martial arts, and that person is corrected, being told the differences that KF has.

~ There are some nice action scenes for both JC and Jaden. I was pleasantly surprised to see the skill that Jaden has. My understanding is that his training time with Wu Gang was quite severe, even to the point of bringing tears to the kid. I also read an interview that has Jackie stating over and over that Jaden is one of the most talented kids he has ever met. I take this with a grain of salt, but overall, I was surprised.

~ I appreciated the multiple "homages" to the original movie - chopsticks and flies, JC drunk (serves a double meaning IMO), music, and a a new "wax on wax off".

~ I appreciated the reality that Mr. Han (JC) is not as "invincible" as Mr. Miyagi.

~ This will undoubtedly spurn a new "Kung Fu" element for young kids. I suspect my son will want to discontinue TKD and start KF.

~ Yu Rong-Guang is a cool addition to the film, especially after his success is many of the most recent films (LBS, Pandora's, Mulan etc.)

~ Zhenwei Wang is pretty ridiculous, and if he continues his studies could be a major action star, a la Jet.

~ If you have kids, you MUST take them.

Cons:

~ The run time. Damn. It was over 2 hours. The beauty of the original (damn...I wasn't going to compare) is the pace. It starts with Daniel as a smart ass wimp, and ends in 100 minutes with Daniel as a smart ass wimp with a fine woman, crane kick and trophy.

~ It is truly a family movie. Do NOT go to this looking for wuxia or the next KK. It is just another flick with KF as its base.

~ Hokie at times.

~ The action (what there there was) filming was awful. I would imagine it was done to intentionally draw away from the actual techniques being used.

~ Did I mention it is not for KF afficianados?

If you're in the US, this is certainly a great alternative to Shrek 4. I was glad to take my 6 year old, as it continues to give him an appreciation of martial arts cinema, no matter how simple. Not everything can be Chang Cheh...though I wish it could be.

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hahaha thanks for reading, guys. Good to see you have a sense of humor.

Oh, god, Avatar. Don't get me started. lol

You create enough hype about something that's a little below average, the world goes nuts. After all these years, we blamed Hitler; the guy just saw an opportunity and took it - just like Hollywood.

So if there is a Karate Kid II (remake), does that mean that Will Smith's son is going back to the states? Or maybe he'll go to Japan? It'll be like Chinese Connection!

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hahaha thanks for reading, guys. Good to see you have a sense of humor.

Oh, god, Avatar. Don't get me started. lol

You create enough hype about something that's a little below average, the world goes nuts. After all these years, we blamed Hitler; the guy just saw an opportunity and took it - just like Hollywood.

So if there is a Karate Kid II (remake), does that mean that Will Smith's son is going back to the states? Or maybe he'll go to Japan? It'll be like Chinese Connection!

ok i agree with you on Avatar ,..lol:tongue:

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He looks like a child version of a skinny Queen Latifah.

Only difference is Queen Latifah looks more like a guy. =D

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Am I alone with saying Jayden Smith looks like a little girl? His androgeny is a bit disturbing...

Yeah I thought the same too, must be the corn rolls.. What really irritated me the most about this movie is the love interest story... It was so annoying and inappropriate to a point where I wanted to throw rocks at the screen...

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Yeah I thought the same too, must be the corn rolls.. What really irritated me the most about this movie is the love interest story... It was so annoying and inappropriate to a point where I wanted to throw rocks at the screen...

get use to it ,.. your daughter will be doing it soon enough (dating that is). and you can't throw rocks at that,.. you better be ready with a plan.

reality kids are starting younger and younger these days,.. i guess karate don't catch their interest too much.

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get use to it ,.. your daughter will be doing it soon enough (dating that is). and you can't throw rocks at that,.. you better be ready with a plan.

reality kids are starting younger and younger these days,.. i guess karate don't catch their interest too much.

Dude I'm all for characters having love interest in a movie it's just that in this particular movie it should have been cut out... The girl who played Jaden's love interest really didn't carry the film well... She had that smirk on her face the whole time and her dialog was very hard to understand... The whole violin scene was so excruciatingly painful!!!!

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You create enough hype about something that's a little below average, the world goes nuts. After all these years, we blamed Hitler; the guy just saw an opportunity and took it - just like Hollywood.

QUOTE]

I'm sure you don't mean the opportunity to kill millions of people....:squigglemouth:

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I had a strong feeling this film would be bullshit wen they announced it, and decided to never watch it whether i had to pay or otherwise, your review has solidified my view of not going to watch sh!t like this :yociexp102:

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When this and the original are compared by critics in the future it won't be suprising on which they say is the better film. Leonard Maltin himself gave the 84 version three and a half out of four stars and said it was a real audience pleaser with winning performances.

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I have to say this was an interesting review.

I had a strong feeling this film would be bullshit wen they announced it, and decided to never watch it whether i had to pay or otherwise, your review has solidified my view of not going to watch sh!t like this :yociexp102:

Wow, with all the reviews the movie got and most of them were positive, you decide not to see it because you read just one bad review, you know, there's a BIG difference between refusing to watch a movie and saying it sucks without even watching it (especially with the positive reception it got from most critics) :xd::xd:

Quite frankly, this movie is more deserving of the Karate Kid title than say KK 3, The Next Karate Kid, The KK cartoon show, and all those terrible KK games and merchandise.

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I saw this film a few weeks ago and honestly,i found it enjoyable,but I did NOT view it as a remake,i viewed it as a standalone film and i found it rather well done and fleshed out. quite longer then i expected but i honestly didnt notice much. A Decent holiday film.

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